-the charms of imagination-

...and I say "Bye, bye! Basa, Bye-bye!"

My Kareshi, Sayonara!
charm 072309

It’s been a month since my heart was broken
I never imagined that could be the ending
Of once I believed would last forever
I was shocked; my soul was shattered.

He’s getting married, yes, that’s what he said
That without a child, life isn’t worth living
He’ll be taking responsibility for what he did
So he bid goodbye; thanked me for everything.

I was surprised by the news; it was just too sudden
Couldn’t he say that in a nicer way, even give me a warning?
That was too cruel for him to say… too hard for me to take
And then, alas, the tears came out; my heart began to break.

I lost my drive; my smiles were gone; all but hurt remained,
What have I done, I wondered, to deserve such pain?
All I wanted was to love him and give him happiness;
But those weren’t enough for him, everything was worthless.

Then I told him I’d forget him and I’ll move on with my life,
I thought I could pull through so easily, but that was just a lie;
‘Coz memories of us together came rushing through my head,
Resisting it was so difficult, I was missing him instead.

The truth is, deep inside, I never wanted to forget you
Though it hurt me that I’ve lost you, my feelings weren’t untrue
Truly, I am grateful that I’ve met someone like you
‘Coz I’ve experienced real love and deceit all because of you.

I was scared to face reality for I know it would hurt my pride,
That you were only playing me; that everything was a lie;
Which ones were real? Which ones were not? Please, do tell;
‘Coz all those times I was sincere; for you I deeply fell

I don’t want you as friends right now; I don’t want to hear
That you’ve moved on already and found someone dear;
While I’m stuck in here in sorrows; clearly I’m not doing well,
So I told you I’d be gone forever; I gave you my farewell.

It was just for a little while but let me thank you
For all the patience, care and efforts that you have shown;
Even if it was all pretend, if not for you
That happiness and this loneliness I wouldn't have known.

But I sure do want to see you again once I have recovered
Until that day, I hope you won’t forget the days we’ve spent together;
It’s time for me to fly away; it’s time to say goodbye,
Until that day, Sayonara! My Kareshi, bye-bye…

-the charms of imagination-

The Final Blow

Today I've officially broken up with my 6-month long kareshi. I'm not 'okay' actually but I think I'll be just fine. It's painful to have these memories of him flashing back from time to time but I'm already accepting the fact that these fragments are already part of my yesterdays. Well, I was happy being with him and I enjoyed his company. I even thought that it could last forever. I really did. But I guess some good things never last.

I think I'll be able to face tomorrow and move on. It's just that it's kind of lonely without his company around. I was getting used to having him 24 hours on my cellphone and hearing his laughters, his giggles and his talks with that soft voice of his. I won't ever forget. I'll carry these bitter-sweet memories of my first kareshi, my first love.



-the other side of the coin-

JOVITO GA DAISUKI

Who you are, I don't know
A stranger from four years ago
Need I recall how I have known you?
'Coz I'm quite sure you've forgotten too.

Took a picture of you for a friend
That happened two years back then
You didn't smile or say anything
Neither did you you find it entertaining.

"Charm!" you called 19 months later,
Asking me for a piece of yellow paper;
That really came in as a shocker,
Have I told you my name? I don't remember.

How we exchanged numbers, I forgot
But was sure we didn't text a lot;
Not as much as we do now,
I find that funny somehow.

You weren't really serious, I knew
Suddenly asking me to marry you,
"Toinks!" I thought, "don't mess with me;
like I'd be fooled by those words, silly!"

With you, it feels like standing in front a closed door,
I'm curious to know what's within;
Will you eventually let me know you more?
If I try to knock, will you let me in?

Letting myself fell into your trap; I trust
You'll treasure these feelings so true,
I don't believe in destiny and as such
I'd rather create "destiny" with you.

-the charms of imagination-

Emptiness

World's frozen, heart's gone cold,
Empty smiles, nothing to hold;
Loneliness lingered through the night,
As she held herself so tight.

Love filled her life with colors,
Stole her heart, went away;
Her own pride betrayed her,
All colors' gone but gray.

No tears left to cry,
Feelings all gone dry
But pain: no one to blame,
It's all part of the game.

Looking at her footprints from the past,
If she goes back, follows the trail
Returns to the very person that she was
Will hurt be gone as well?

Sinking deep into nothingness,
Wriggling to break free;
Trying to fight the emptiness,
Oh God, help me!