It was during the time when my heart had its first broken experience. Every day was just like the day before – dull, meaningless, empty. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t smile like I used to. It felt like every thing’s confusing, like I was there but I wasn’t. Every night I prayed to God for the strength to get through it all. Every night I cried to God why all had ended just like that. Though during the day I would gather my strength to keep myself together; every night, I shattered – I was so broken up inside.
Then one night, after praying to Him, I had this dream. It was in a place where we went a week before he said goodbye. We were on a rubber boat waiting for the next wave to come. When the tie was released, we raised our hands up. We clearly were enjoying the ride as the waves came at us. I was so happy with him by my side. It had been like that for a couple of rounds.
Then, at the next bend, there appeared a crossroad. I was too overwhelmed with the current thrill that I didn’t take notice of its presence. When the boat took a hard turn to the left, he was gone. I was so frantic looking all over for him. Different emotions took over me at the same time. I was so sad, so worried, so angry, so frightened that I lost him.
While I was at confusion, I didn’t notice that the boat was moving along a serene lagoon. I was too absorbed with my worries that I failed to notice the beauty surrounding me and took them as nothing but dull scenery. Despite the magnificence of the place, I continued my weeping.
Moments later, the rushing waves returned and I was holding unto my seat again; I was screaming on top of my lungs again; I was having fun again. Before I realized it I was me again. There I understood what God wanted to tell me: no matter how rough the circumstance was, no matter how hard reality would hit, no matter what – He knew it will be okay in the end. He knew I was going to be alright.
When I woke up, a single tear dropped from my eye and something inside me started flourishing. It was Him. His message evidently remained in my heart and filled the empty spaces – making it whole again. And at that instant, I found it – I found peace.