Crushes.
Everyone has them.
Those awkward, nerve-wracking moments part of your lives everytime you see them lurking in the corners of your eyes. You see them everywhere yet you can't go near them. You feel that tingling feeling everytime you get the chance to converse with them; and even after you get home and linger on that encounter.
There are times you feel like telling about them to your peers and yet there are still those you want to keep to yourself. You'd miss a whole lot of your life if you haven't had at least one of those.
I know I did-- a whole lot of them too. ;)
My first crush was during my first grade. He was a rough boy who always get in trouble. If there was something to remember about him, it was the slap I got from him. I even forgot his name.
I had my second crush during my second grade that went on until third grade. In my memories, he was a kind, talented, intelligent, good-looking boy. His name's Teddy. We were good friends back then -- as well as the rest of my classmates. No girl in our class who hasn't got a crush on him -- that's how good a material he was. After more than a decade, I reconnected with him and some of our classmates. He's still as good as he was before. The only thing that changed was my feelings for him. I guess I did grow up a little bit. ;)
My third crush was during my first year in high school. His name's Jeffrey. He was intelligent, on my perspective, witty, gentle, easy to talk to... he was the closest male friend I had until it got pretty awkward between us. He stopped talking to me that lasted for about more than two years. I remembered saying to myself of how he missed his chance with me. I really thought that we clicked. Years later, he dated my best friend for sometime. I wasn't bothered in the very least.
My fourth crush came around the time I turned thirteen. His name's Ervin. He was the cousin of one of my classmates. I liked the way he's always cheerful. I liked the way he sang the Westlife songs to me. He was the first guy who told me he loved me. I turned him down almost instantly though. Well, I had other priorities at that time.
My fifth one was during my early sophie year. His name's Mark. As I can remember, he was the he-knows-how-handsome-he-is kind of guy who's intelligent, outspoken, outgoing, and very talented. He was that man who got embarrassed by me for saying some unintelligent remarks (Me 10 years ago: Ikaw tong gi-boo-han?). It was because of those that we connected. I've met him when I was a freshie in college. He was still as cool as before but I've realized he wasn't my type anymore. Well, they've dated with my best friend but didn't last long.
My sixth crush was during my late sophie year. He's this cool kind of guy who went to school with gelled hair, same t-shirt every two days, walked like a ramp model and had headphones plugged on his ears. His name's Jason. I liked the coolness about him. Though there were chances when he was about to court me, I've blocked them each and every time.
My seventh crush was my most treasured of all. I didn't notice him until after I got in my junior year in high school. I didn't think he'd be the person I thought him to be. Unlike those other good-looking men, he was gentle and kind to all. He's a very humble person who made me feel so cherished. Everytime he talked to me, he'd looked straight into my eyes. If I wouldn't looked away, I would've melted from his stare. He's the first man I've known who made me feel so special. I've even thought I'd gave him my first kiss even if he couldn't be my boyfriend. For the record, he's courted me a couple of times when I was still studying in college. Although there came a time he'd dated my best friend (and I was badly hurt by that), he courted me again months after they broke up saying it was me he liked best. I told him that the feelings were mutual but it's just not the right time for us. I made him wait for me. Well, I thought he'd wait for me. By the time I graduated, I realized I was mistaken. He's with someone else already. I should have known that love is all about timing. We had our chance and that was it. It took me a longer time before I've come to accept that he and I weren't meant to be. His name's Aaron. He was my first heartbreak.
My eighth crush was during my fourth year high school. I liked him for being handsome -- that's all. His name's Dan. It was this pull he had on me that I couldn't resist. Even though he's crushing on my best friend, I didn't care. The only thing that mattered to me back then was that I liked him. I remember not tellng anybody about my crush on him. Everyday, after school ends, I'd pass by his classroom and take a glimpse of him. It was a thrilling crush experience.
My ninth one was when I was a freshman in college. He was a vetmed student. I didn't get to know him but I liked him for being good-looking and cool. His name's Eman.
My tenth was when I was a sophie in college. He was a medtech student. He played basketball. He was number eleven. Among the number eleven's in the university, he was the perfect fit for the Rukawa title. I loved his spunkiness in the game. I never got the chance to get near him. His name's Ko. (I didn't even got his first name, dang!)
My eleventh crush was during that time I broke up with my first boyfriend. He was mystifyingly charming for me. There was something about him that pulled me towards him. He made me feel that even though I've lost a loved one, the thrill of love wasn't gone. There could have been so much more between us if he hadn't betrayed my feelings for him. I didn't even know how he truly feels for me. I guess I'll never have the chance. His name's Kenneth. He was my third heartbreak.
I might have forgotten some other crushes I had, but these were the highlights of my youth. I may not be crushing someone anytime sooner -- what with all the heartbreaks they caused me. But this is for sure, the heart's got to do what the heart's got to do; and there's nothing my intelligent brain could do about that.
A crush is just a crush unless you fall in love with him.
"Love truly, wholy, passionately even if it's unbearably painful,
That way, you'll be able to live through life with no regrets." - Saya Allego
